Friday, January 23, 2009

la masabe

i want to eat pasta today..haiz makapagluto kaya sa haus??niweiz just droppin' by..wala pa ko maicp sa ngaun e..yun pa rin kasi ang nasa isip ko so ang panget naman kung yun na naman ang topic ko..hehehe cge later na lang...

Monday, January 19, 2009

no hEAr..nO sEe..

2 araw na ang dumaan pero la pa rin ako naririnig sa kanya..ako na lang ba talaga ang umaasa o ganun lang siya kamanhid??haiz...kagabi ko lang narealize kung gano umikot sa kanya ang mundo ko..halos buong gabi akong hindi makatulog, dahil wala akong maisip wala akong magawa. para akong bilanggo na ngaun lang nakalabas ng kulungan..di alam kung san pupunta...di alam kung san magsisimula..

Monday, January 12, 2009

sari-sari

***Got the news from my sis...Di pa daw fully recovered ang mom namin.. Di pa kami sure kung icoconfine pa ba o iuuwi na namin. Gusto na kasi umuwi ng mom ko, kaya lang kung ganun naman na di pa siya stable, mas good decision siguro na dun muna siya sa hospital...hai...sana maging ok na, if not now sana as soosn as possible...


***We had to stop na.Although mild lang naman na case and just for the time being lang, parang nakakakonsensiya pa rin. Di naman kasi serious e, inip lang siguro. Parang magkaibigan na nagtutulungan kaya lang sa part na hindi naman dapat kasi pareho kaming attached na. Magulo ba?Ako din kasi naguguluhan. Ewan ko kung ako lang paranoid,palitan lang naman ng text. Kaya lang..hai...ang aking konsensiya, kinakatok na puso ko.waaaaaaaaaaa

***Nag iisip na ko sa relasyon namin. Selfish nga yata ako.Hartless talaga...Kasi naman parang di ko na siya maiintindihan. Damn those excuses... So simple yet hindi ko matanggap..Pag gumagana kasi ang logical side ko, iniisip ko parang imposible. Pero pag yung puso ko, sinsabi lang niya na magtiwala lang ako at intindihin siya. Ganun nga cguro pag ang bunso nakahanap ng panganay. Isang naghahanap ng buong atensiyon at ang isa naman handang ibigay, yun nga lang, sa panahong hindi siya kailangan ng pamilya niya.Pilit ko man pinapapintindi sa sarili ko na "hoy girlfriend ka pa lang, wag ka masyado demanding!", parang ayaw niya o ayaw kong tanggapin. Minsan iniisip ko kung bakit pumayag siya na ganun set up namin tapos di niya naman kayang panindigan. Nababatukan ko naman ang sarili ko kasi pati naman ako pumayag di ba? hai..hirap iexplain.. Siguro may factor na iba yung kinalakhan namin set up ng pamilya. Sa amin kahit babae basta kayang gawin, pinagagawa. Sa kanila naman hangga't kaya ng panganay siya ang gagawa.Nagets mo ba?hehe May other factor din na di na ko masatisfied...pero i'd rather not talk about it here...basta ngayon im thinking of a way para masoslusyunan kung ano man ang iniaaray ko.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Waiting....

Can't wait for the clock to strike four in the afternoon....Can't wait to see my mom....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Baked Macaroni for New Year's Eve

I got an idea from a website forum on what to cook for New Year's eve and it was superb with a little alterations on the ingredients and procedure since were in a tight budget and we prefer the "not-so-sweet" style of pasta. I was so happy that it turned out good even though it was my first time to make it. Here it is:

Bake Macaroni ala Madz

1 k elbow macaroni
1/2 k ground beef
1 big pack of pasta sauce ( i used Hunt's Parmesan and cheese)
garlic
onion
salt and pepper to taste
1 pack Cream of mushroom (i used knorr product. follow the directions at the back)
grated cheese (i used eden quick melt)

*****Make sure that you preheat your oven

Procedure:

1. Heat your pan. Saute your ground beef until it is slightly cooked. Add salt and pepper to taste. Mix in onion and garlic and saute it until beef in gray in color or already cooked.

2. Pour in your pasta sauce. Add salt and pepper to taste.

3. Add the cream of mushroom and bring to a boil. Set aside.

4. Cook your macaroni according to the directions at the back of the package. I prefer cooking it half-done so that it will be not over-cooked in baking.

5. Place your macaroni in your desired container and mixed it with the a good amount of sauce leaving some to be placed at the top of the pasta.

6. Put the grated cheese at the top to finish the dish. Make sure that it has been scattered (dunno any other term) well.

7. Bake for 20 mins or until cheese melts.

8. Pair with garlic bread and soda.


I don't have a picture of what I've cooked that evening because we were already famished to even take a picture of it..^_^

Friday, January 9, 2009

It Ain't my Day

I created this post last Tuesday with the hope that I'll be starting to post my sentiments the next day - my rest day. But it didn't happen because when I got home, my mom was sick. I got to bed soon as I came home because I was so tired and knowing that our relatives were looking after my mom. At around six in the morning i got a knock on my door and was asked by my cousin about our decision regarding the state of my mom. I found out that while I was sleeping my mom was very agitated and acted strange in front of my relatives. I retaliated on what was happening to my mom for the past weeks due to having no sleep at all and what we did ( consultations with her doctor and albularyos) and they suggested that we need to consult a psychiatrist. It was difficult for us to convince her that it was the best thing that we should do for her to get help because she was stating that it doctors can't cure her and we have no money to finance the hospital bill. But we were decided about it and we finally got her to the hospital. That scene from the hospital when i left my mom in that room was the hardest and hard-breaking thing that I have done to her and to my self. But I have no choice, my hands were tied at that moment. We were advised not to visit her for three days so that she may get full rest and not think of anything or anyone but herself. So we went home, feeling down and hoping that everything will be alright.
At this moment, I am thinking about the things that happened between me and my mom. I felt guilty when I didn't listen to her and not able to love her because I was so angry with what she has done. I regret that I haven't talked to her about my feelings and what was happening to me. I regret that I haven't told her that I understand and I am there for her. Regrets that's been eating me while I'm sitting here writing in this blog. I missed her so much and I can't wait to see her and hug her. I hope that she finally had her rest and be alright when she gets home. Mom, I am sorry for what I have said in that letter and please believe me when I tell you that I really appreciate and love you with all of my heart.Please come home Mom...

 

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