Friday, January 9, 2009

It Ain't my Day

I created this post last Tuesday with the hope that I'll be starting to post my sentiments the next day - my rest day. But it didn't happen because when I got home, my mom was sick. I got to bed soon as I came home because I was so tired and knowing that our relatives were looking after my mom. At around six in the morning i got a knock on my door and was asked by my cousin about our decision regarding the state of my mom. I found out that while I was sleeping my mom was very agitated and acted strange in front of my relatives. I retaliated on what was happening to my mom for the past weeks due to having no sleep at all and what we did ( consultations with her doctor and albularyos) and they suggested that we need to consult a psychiatrist. It was difficult for us to convince her that it was the best thing that we should do for her to get help because she was stating that it doctors can't cure her and we have no money to finance the hospital bill. But we were decided about it and we finally got her to the hospital. That scene from the hospital when i left my mom in that room was the hardest and hard-breaking thing that I have done to her and to my self. But I have no choice, my hands were tied at that moment. We were advised not to visit her for three days so that she may get full rest and not think of anything or anyone but herself. So we went home, feeling down and hoping that everything will be alright.
At this moment, I am thinking about the things that happened between me and my mom. I felt guilty when I didn't listen to her and not able to love her because I was so angry with what she has done. I regret that I haven't talked to her about my feelings and what was happening to me. I regret that I haven't told her that I understand and I am there for her. Regrets that's been eating me while I'm sitting here writing in this blog. I missed her so much and I can't wait to see her and hug her. I hope that she finally had her rest and be alright when she gets home. Mom, I am sorry for what I have said in that letter and please believe me when I tell you that I really appreciate and love you with all of my heart.Please come home Mom...

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